Thursday, January 28, 2010

What I Want Sometimes

is to just stay home with my kids.

To be able to send them to school in the mornings.
To pick them up from school in the afternoons.
To sort their co-curricular activities after school.
To make sure that Khadra is changed and has her lunch before she goes off to drama class.
To let Khadra go to Sekolah Rendah Agama every evening.
To be able to pick her up at 5:30pm every weekday.
To practice Iqra' with Khadra and Khaleeq everyday.
To be able to spend time to go through their homework with them everyday.
To spend time going through revision with them.
To read more with Khaleeq.
To spend more quality time with Khaleeda.
To send Khaleeda to school but I can't coz it would seriously screw up the logistics in the morning and in the afternoon.
To jemaah maghrib and have Yaasin recitals every Thursday nights with the kids.

But I also want to go to work.
I want to be able to have a work group/clan.
I want my mind to be challenged.
To better myself with life-long learning.
To get lots of moolah.
To spend on me.
To pamper myself with facials, massages, meni/pedi, etc.

Yang ni pun nak. Yang tu pun nak. Yes, I am fickle like that.

Truthfully, I don't know if I am really a Stay at Home Mom material.
I might be screaming my lungs out 24 x7.
I might end up detesting my kids.
I might just lose my mind.


Aku stress. I burnt that Supermom outfit already.
So, I compromise.
Buat apa yang boleh, outsource apa yang tak mampu nak buat sendiri and find alternatives for those that are impossible for me to provide.

Be happy ajelah. Habis cerita. :)

-dillz blogging out-


toughcookie said...

i guess to a certain extent, at one point in a woman's life, akan terdetik some feelings where we are so tired working and wish we could watch our kids grow infront of us. some people would reach for that aim while some fear of the future insecurities. i guess kita buat apa yang kita terdaya buat. and when we have made that decision, stick to it and make the most of it. like you said, be happy... itu yang paling penting. kalau dah tak happy and memudaratkan kepala otak, mental and physical, i guess we should revisit that decision we made earlier.

mana2 pun ada pros and cons... take care ya...

dillazag said...

kalau nuffnang ni bagi i rm10000 a month memanglah saya dah berhenti. :)

ms ngantuk said...

it's tough kan being us?
tapi tulah if dok rumah, saya rasa x sanggup nk ngadap anak, laki n the chores 24-7. work is like a breather for me!

datuk azizah said...

Syabas i am so glad ibu2 muda sekarang dah pandai menyesuaikan dirisebagai only whatever u are capable of,dont stress yourself semata2 only on perkara duniawi ini,ingatlah give the kids whatever yg menjadi your tanggungjawab as orang ISLAM semoga mendapat kejayaan di dunia dan akhirat.Give the best to your husband and children. But...remember anak2 dan harta hanya merupakan perhiasan dunia,yang akan ditinggalkan apabila kita kembali menemui ALLAH, yang kita bawa adalah bekalan ASA {amanah saham akhirat) bukannya ASB.Oleh itu jangan lupa isilah tabung ASA anda sekarang juga selagi masih hidup dengan melakukan amalan soleh kerana mati tak mengenal umur,lebih2 lagi dunia sekarang yang penuh stress ini.tak menjadi kesalahan kita mencari harta dunia asalkan halal dan tidak menyeksa diri sendiri dengan melampau.Jangan jadi orang yang cari harta dunia sampai tak sempat beramal ibadat kejalan Allah,tiba2 sakit ,mati, orang lain yang enjoy.ASA kosong ,dirinya diseksa terpekik melolong, tak ada siapa dapat menolong.! .fikir2kanlah.sekadar ingatan ikhlas seorang ibu.

Teratak Hami said...

Dilla, I pun rasa the same thing ... what to do ha? Jom shopping!!!

kucingorengemok said...

you hang in there, babe! :)


yes, trying your best would be best. i would certainly go with your mom's advise. it's the best!

dillazag said...

Yes and yes. But there are times when the pull to stay home is so great. Especially on the supervision for school work, etc and wanting to spend quality time with the little one. Rasa macam the bibik spend more time with MY children. Know what i mean? Itu part yang paling saya ralat.

Hihihihihihi.. I like the way you think, babe. :)

dillazag said...

Very well said. This is why you should have your own blog! Hihihihi :)
Anyways, yes. I do agree totally. Part of our action plan is to have what encik n you have been doing this whole time. Maybe buat jemaah dengan the kids, baca yaasin sekeluarga, etc. At least dah start dgn mengaji anak2 dulu. Sikit2 ya, lama2 jadi bukit.

dillazag said...

Yeah la. Just get through this patches and do the best, kan? :)

Yes. So senanglah. She reads my blog. :)

datuk azizah said...

good luck sayang.

dillazag said...

thanks mom. :)

nadia said...


reading this entry of yours is like you've juz penned down my thoughts!! seriously. in fact, aku mmg teringat kat kau and wanted to ask you how you do it. tgh fikir how our moms did it with us. finding time in between the busy schedule to sit with the children and monitor their work etc...

i feel you babe. truly i do. actually, these past few weeks, i've been having all those dilemma u wrote and more.aku tgh depressed. work seems to be taking too much of my time and energy from the kiddos.

*sigh* budak2 nk test this week and i have a heavy load this whole week in office! sometimes i wish i can just quit my job and do something more 'doable' and be a better mother for the boys..... am i a bad mom because i've been super busy with crazy work schedule yg tak sudah2>? i feel like i am... :(

oh well....thanks dilla, for reminding me that im not the only one feeling this way. ;)

dillazag said...

Hey nad,
Glad to know that I am not alone either. Ralat kadang2 when I work and work and work so hard for them, yet I am not able to be there when they need me. Bibiklah segala2nya.
Well, we gotta live with the cards we're dealt with as best as we cld. No one cld ask for more than that, kan?
Just keep telling urself that coz if you're like me, I'm my hardest critic. Don't be too hard on urself, dear.. :)
Kita serupa... Hihihihi