Bullys Ain't Cool!

Was just commenting at flowerella daily on the Bully who was disturbing Narnia. Told Nong to tell Narnia to tell the Bully that Nong would call the Bully's mom if he does not stop bullying. Just today I had to keep up with my promise to Khadra coz her Bully B has not stop bullying! :(

I know the term "Bullying" has such a bad connotation to it but what else would you call pushing and shoving and kicking and hitting one's back? :(

The incidents with Khadra involved two different sets of Bullys.

She was relating to me some stories about school and casually mentioned that Bully A is disturbing and bullying her. Fortunately, Bully A immediately stopped when I told Khadra to "tell-Bully A-to-stop;else I-will call-Bully A's -mom". All was well and good.

She also told me about Bully B. A set of three boys which consist of one of her friends from her pre-school. And they were from another class. I told her to tell them the same thing but I kinda dismissed the idea of serious bullying coz this boy and her are friends - I'd like to tag this dismissal as Mistake Number 1.

Then, some not-so-funny stories started to crop up.

Not-So-Funny Story 1
Early one morning , as she prepared for school, Khadra complained about having a tummy ache. Told her that we would put some Minyak Telon on the tummy and I dismissed her once again. I casually asked her to get ready - another Mistake Number 1. On our way to school, she insisted that her tummy was still hurting and we made a turn back to the house. I told her to rest and that I would check up on her later.

Around 10am, Khadra called saying,"When I told you I had tummy ache earlier, it wasn't really hurting. But NOW, Ibu, my tummy REALLY hurts." So, it was clear at that point that she was really making excuses not to go to school. My immediate reaction to that was, "Oh, did you lie to me in the morning then?" - Mistake Number 2. Concentrating on the fact that she lied rather than really listening to what was untold. I should have read it as "Why did she have to lie to me? What could be so wrong in school that she had to make excuses not to go to school?"

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Not-So-Funny Story 2
Before bed, she came to me whining that her left foot is in pain. Whenever I rubbed it, even with the slightest touch she would go, "Ow..Ow.. Ow.." - trying to clearly indicate that it hurt! However, she would miss a few "Ow"s, which led me to believe that she was just trying to come up with another excuse not to go to school.

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Not-So-Funny Story 3
We were in school , bright and early and her Drama Minggu Ini pun bermula. She started wailing and holding onto the gate, not wanting to go into the school compound. "I don't like school. I don't want to go to school." She would repeat this over and over, refusing to even move. My first reaction (which is the wrong one again, a.k.a Mistake 3) was embarassment. I just held her arm real tight telling her to "Stop this nonsense and get to your class". Of course that was the wrong thing to do AND to say. She made an even bigger scene and I was doubly embarrased. I mean the traffic was heavy, kids and parents were streaming into the school, all bearing witness to this drama. I took a deep breath and suddenly realized that something must be VERY WRONG for her not to want to go to school. I told her to move away from the walkway and we sat at the gazebo. Told her to calm herself down and tell me what was really going on. She said, "I already told you" (That hit straight to the heart) True enough it was the bullying and I was dense enough to dismiss it. (read Mistake 1)

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So, I finally did what I needed to do. Try to nip it at the bud. Called Bully B's mom and told her what was happening. She came to school and we had a talk. Then we met up with the boy to straighten things out. His class teacher was also there. He said he didn't do it and it was his friend who actually hit Khadra. He said he was sorry to me and to Khadra.

In a way, I also pity the boy. He looked really terrified when we confronted him. His eyes were already tearing up and he looked like he was about to cry at any moment. I gave him a little shoulder rub and said, "It's okay. Just don't do it again. Aunty knows that you are a good boy."

I also pity the mom. I have been there before too. Remember when Khaleeq went on a biting rampage when he was younger? To look the other parent in the eye and apologizing for your child's behaviour. Man, that was hard and kinda embarassing too. I am sure there is an underlying story to why they are behaving in such a way. Acceptance? Belonging? Whatever it was, it's not that I want to make a big deal out of it, I just wanted to sort it out. I want my child to go to school without fear and not having to make all sorts of excuses/not-so-funny stories to avoid school. That's all.

I really hope that this would not prolong any longer. Would have to let Khadra update me on that.

I am, however, glad for four things:

1. Khadra knows what constitutes Bullying. Which behaviours are acceptable and NOT acceptable with friends in school. I have to acknowledge Beaconhouse Bangsar for this when they had a session with the kids to make them aware of this phenomena.
   
2. Parents in her primary school are connected in one way or another, by the school social network. In a way, this would facilitate crises solving and such as we could call up the parents concerned and tell them what's happening in school.
3. The mom was very understanding and acknowledged that her son is doing all these things he was accused of. It would have been more difficult if the parent was not willing to see that the child has done something wrong.
   
4. She is not physically scarred in any of these acts. (yet) Syukur.
   

For myself, I have a few learning points too :

• Not to dismiss anything she tells me as something trivial.
  
• I really need to just listen to her. Really listen when she tells me that she's having problems in school. Listen, Ibu, Listen.
• Handle her more appropriately when she makes a scene. Memanglah malu, but I need to read what's the real story. The real reason she was really acting out.
  

I'm so sorry my darling Khadra. I hope this settles your problem and you would have a better day in school from today onwards.

-dillz blogging out-