Friday, February 12, 2010

Bullys Ain't Cool!

Was just commenting at flowerella daily on the Bully who was disturbing Narnia. Told Nong to tell Narnia to tell the Bully that Nong would call the Bully's mom if he does not stop bullying. Just today I had to keep up with my promise to Khadra coz her Bully B has not stop bullying! :(

I know the term "Bullying" has such a bad connotation to it but what else would you call pushing and shoving and kicking and hitting one's back? :(

The incidents with Khadra involved two different sets of Bullys.

She was relating to me some stories about school and casually mentioned that Bully A is disturbing and bullying her. Fortunately, Bully A immediately stopped when I told Khadra to "tell-Bully A-to-stop;else I-will call-Bully A's -mom". All was well and good.

She also told me about Bully B. A set of three boys which consist of one of her friends from her pre-school. And they were from another class. I told her to tell them the same thing but I kinda dismissed the idea of serious bullying coz this boy and her are friends - I'd like to tag this dismissal as Mistake Number 1.

Then, some not-so-funny stories started to crop up.

Not-So-Funny Story 1
Early one morning , as she prepared for school, Khadra complained about having a tummy ache. Told her that we would put some Minyak Telon on the tummy and I dismissed her once again. I casually asked her to get ready - another Mistake Number 1. On our way to school, she insisted that her tummy was still hurting and we made a turn back to the house. I told her to rest and that I would check up on her later.

Around 10am, Khadra called saying,"When I told you I had tummy ache earlier, it wasn't really hurting. But NOW, Ibu, my tummy REALLY hurts." So, it was clear at that point that she was really making excuses not to go to school. My immediate reaction to that was, "Oh, did you lie to me in the morning then?" - Mistake Number 2. Concentrating on the fact that she lied rather than really listening to what was untold. I should have read it as "Why did she have to lie to me? What could be so wrong in school that she had to make excuses not to go to school?"


Not-So-Funny Story 2
Before bed, she came to me whining that her left foot is in pain. Whenever I rubbed it, even with the slightest touch she would go, "Ow..Ow.. Ow.." - trying to clearly indicate that it hurt! However, she would miss a few "Ow"s, which led me to believe that she was just trying to come up with another excuse not to go to school.


Not-So-Funny Story 3
We were in school , bright and early and her Drama Minggu Ini pun bermula. She started wailing and holding onto the gate, not wanting to go into the school compound. "I don't like school. I don't want to go to school." She would repeat this over and over, refusing to even move. My first reaction (which is the wrong one again, a.k.a Mistake 3) was embarassment. I just held her arm real tight telling her to "Stop this nonsense and get to your class". Of course that was the wrong thing to do AND to say. She made an even bigger scene and I was doubly embarrased. I mean the traffic was heavy, kids and parents were streaming into the school, all bearing witness to this drama. I took a deep breath and suddenly realized that something must be VERY WRONG for her not to want to go to school. I told her to move away from the walkway and we sat at the gazebo. Told her to calm herself down and tell me what was really going on. She said, "I already told you" (That hit straight to the heart) True enough it was the bullying and I was dense enough to dismiss it. (read Mistake 1)


So, I finally did what I needed to do. Try to nip it at the bud. Called Bully B's mom and told her what was happening. She came to school and we had a talk. Then we met up with the boy to straighten things out. His class teacher was also there. He said he didn't do it and it was his friend who actually hit Khadra. He said he was sorry to me and to Khadra.

In a way, I also pity the boy. He looked really terrified when we confronted him. His eyes were already tearing up and he looked like he was about to cry at any moment. I gave him a little shoulder rub and said, "It's okay. Just don't do it again. Aunty knows that you are a good boy."

I also pity the mom. I have been there before too. Remember when Khaleeq went on a biting rampage when he was younger? To look the other parent in the eye and apologizing for your child's behaviour. Man, that was hard and kinda embarassing too. I am sure there is an underlying story to why they are behaving in such a way. Acceptance? Belonging? Whatever it was, it's not that I want to make a big deal out of it, I just wanted to sort it out. I want my child to go to school without fear and not having to make all sorts of excuses/not-so-funny stories to avoid school. That's all.

I really hope that this would not prolong any longer. Would have to let Khadra update me on that.

I am, however, glad for four things:
  1. Khadra knows what constitutes Bullying. Which behaviours are acceptable and NOT acceptable with friends in school. I have to acknowledge Beaconhouse Bangsar for this when they had a session with the kids to make them aware of this phenomena.
  2. Parents in her primary school are connected in one way or another, by the school social network. In a way, this would facilitate crises solving and such as we could call up the parents concerned and tell them what's happening in school.
  3. The mom was very understanding and acknowledged that her son is doing all these things he was accused of. It would have been more difficult if the parent was not willing to see that the child has done something wrong.
  4. She is not physically scarred in any of these acts. (yet) Syukur.
For myself, I have a few learning points too :
  • Not to dismiss anything she tells me as something trivial.
  • I really need to just listen to her. Really listen when she tells me that she's having problems in school. Listen, Ibu, Listen.
  • Handle her more appropriately when she makes a scene. Memanglah malu, but I need to read what's the real story. The real reason she was really acting out.
I'm so sorry my darling Khadra. I hope this settles your problem and you would have a better day in school from today onwards.

-dillz blogging out-


k-lynn said...

kawan anak saya suka pow bekal dia. but not anymore.
anyway, my daughter, 6 thn pun suka buat drama EVERY MORNING and especially bad on friday morning. turns out dia tak suka menu kat sekolah on thursday evening... boleh?

dillazag said...

drama budak-budak zaman sekarang ni mengalahkan sinetron indonesia, tau!

che' nah said...

My eldest was bullied too. Duit kena rampas, kena cubit at the lengan, kena pukul on the back -- and all by GIRLS too mind you (despite the fact it is a co-ed school), and all from the so-called "first class" (they are streamed from the start). Good luck to K1, and to you too... take care of your jantung (hehe). It's all part and parcel of being a modern iboo... :)

melatiblossoms said...

kak dilla,

Been a silent reader
scary, kesiannya khadra, yes, me myself pun pernah did those mistakes bila anak-anak actually nak bercerita about their problems at school, like when Humaira don't really want to go to school on Thursday, adoi she actually confused about religion education thought at school, conflicting about the stories of Jesus and nabi Isa. Eventually, when we really listen we did realized the problems. Alhamdulillah.

And apologising for our child's behaviour, been there. :):) But sometimes geram bila others don't want to notice their childrens' behaviour plak. Bersangka baik saja. :):)

anyway, very nice entry, that really knocking on my heart and mind.


the principal said...

nasib baik bully's mom boleh accept yg anak dia did sth wrong. ada jugak mom yg marah kalau kita bg tau anak dia buat anak org lain

pernah my 4 yo taknak dtg sek towards end of the year; heran betul until mak dia bwk gi rumah their neighbour yg anak dia same class dgn this girl. this girl taknak masuk rumah classmate dia, menjerit..then only both moms realsied this girl takut sgt dgn classmate dia...

yg tak best bila parents selalu blame school kalau anak taknak gi sek...jenuh nak cari penyebab

dillazag said...

che nah,
yes. luruh jantungku. hihihihihi
hopefully all is sorted. she was happy when came home, saying nobody kacau-ed her during recess today! :) I hope it stays that way..

Ya Allah. Lama sungguh tak dengar khabar. :) Tu lah. Kita pun belajar jadi Ibu yang lebih baik dari diorang. And we learn something new every single day, don't we? :)
BTW, you write so beautifully. I could never do that, especially not in Malay. Aku cukup fail bab tu.

K Emy,
hahaha Guru Besar mesti lagi banyak cerita ceriti, kan? Oh kanda, ni baru sorang masuk sekolah rendah. I am expecting more and more drama, lah. :)

ZaTiL said...

i noticed bawah mata kiri harith lebam. i asked, and he said his fren smashed his eye with shoe. problemnyer harith tu, susah nak dpt cerita sebenar from him. End up i yg kena teka and he said yes to everything i said. So, tak boleh percaya juga, tak psl2 nanti salah blame. Esoknya dia ckp pulak he accidentally hit his eye with a book.

We still trying to get the real story from him...

dillazag said...


Macam-macam cerita I dengar pasal budak-budak Darjah Satu ni. I guess they are all learning to adjust to the new surrounding - new pecking order, new social hierarchy.

Khadra has a friend who refused to tell his mom about the bullying too. Jenuh jugak nak get it out of him. But he was so traumatised sampai muntah-muntah kat sekolah. *Seriously*

Finally, alhamdulillah, he opened up and the boy was confronted. Nampak macam dah OK. We have to tell them that it's wrong to terrorize this kids. Maybe it ws not intentional, maklumlah budak-budak. But they need to know what are unacceptable behaviours. So kesian that boy, sampai takut nak pergi sekolah.

~Sasha Farina~ said...

oh.. poor baby. All settled now.. :) Nidhi pulak, jadi supplier for colored pencils kat class. semua orang nak pinjam.. but she's bossy that one, after kena sekali.. she said a very firm NO! LOL.. she said sekali sekala boleh lah, but if everyday nak pinjam, abislah her colored pencils! LOL.

KS said...

alahaii kesiannya khadra. nasib baiklah dah selesai.

and thanks for the tips kak dilla. my son pon lately sangat liat nak ke skolah as compared to masa mula2 dulu...

i know some of his classmates suka tolak2 dia and calling names at him :( maybe sebab tu lah kot...

dillazag said...

I feel you on the colour pencils. Khadra went to school with a 36-pencils pack and she barely has 5 left in the bag. Like seriously. Budak-budak ni makan ke apa?

Tu lah.. Must really read between the lines these days.. :(
I am just grateful and bersyukur that semua dah selesai..

Anonymous said...

Arghh Kak Dils, i baru baca this entry, hence the late comment... Narnia's case pun taught me a lesson too... always listen to our kids before dismissing the claim.. albeit the drama, sometimes there's a truth lurking behind...

dillazag said...

tu lah. My first reaction tu mesti nak kata dia Dramalah, dia mengadalah.. I just have to learn to pause and take it in for a while. Then I have a clearer picture.

Firstborns are always the best teachers, no?