Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April, am I a Fool?

It was this day, 7 years ago, I stepped into the HR office to serve my 10-year bond. Teringat pulak adinda zaman dolu-dolu...

I was chosen in 1993 to be one of the scholarship recipients to continue my studies abroad. Off we (all 100 or so of us) were shipped to Kolej Bestari (#4, was it?) in UM for our obligatory 2-months English course. Then, for a 10-day Outward Bound School in Lumut and another 2 weeks of induction course in Taiping. Lucky, eh? Little did I know that this was where lifelong friends were made. We laughed, learnt, cried, camped, gossiped and grew together.

This was the basis of our close-knit support group for our studies (no matter where it was), our work life and now, our family life. At 18-years old, I already had my whole life charted for me. Study A-levels in the UK for 2 years, 3/4 years for my Degree/Masters in Engineering and back to my country to serve "The Company" for 10-years. It seemed like a sweet deal at the time. Damn lucky, I tell you..

I had a lot of fun while I was in Cobham doing my A-Levels. Went horseback riding, boating, camping, rock climbing, even went for an exchange program to the US of A for a month! Especially so with schoolmates like Che Nah, Lisa and Liza. We had loads of fun eating nasi sejuk with KFC brought all the way from Malaysia. The exeats were blissful as we got an apartment to ourselves right smack in the middle of London town! The midnight exploration to Trocadero, the new year celebrations, the makan feasts! All seemed to go as planned when I got my conditional acceptance of AAB into Corpus. Come the day for our results, I got just that! Was I relieved.. I just made it to Cambridge! Lucky, no?

Later, the results was changed to 3As due to my Chemistry teacher's complaint. hah hah *She is sooo sweet, even wrote me a card to remind me to tell my sponsor that I got better results!* I have to admit that I took it easy in Cambridge; went rowing in the morning, (well, not really.. I was the cox, so I kinda shouted more than anything else) going to classes, labs and tutorials, taking part in the Malaysian dances, pot lucks and such but all the time I was silently thinking when will my lucky streak run out. It was just kinda surreal to me.. Can't really explain it.. I even made plans to visit Lily in Australia to spend my summer there. But, as soon as I entered the exam hall, I knew I was not coming back the next year. Suddenly, it hit me. This is it! I'm gonna have to start fresh.

I was a fool. I know. Not many people got the opportunity that I did. Yet, I blew it! After crying my eyeballs out, I decided to face the consequences head on. The problem's not gonna go away just because you are hiding from it. Bounce back, girl.. You know you can do it.. So, I decided that I shall do exactly that! It was decided for me by the powers that be that I shall start my American Degree Program in PPP/ITM , Shah Alam. No credit transfers - just start again, my dear! I wasn't in the objecting mode, so I just kept it low and went to Shah Alam with my tails tucked neatly between my hiney. It so happens that I got to make more lifelong friends and one of them happens to be my soul-mate. *hah hah hah Nasib baik I kena balik Malaysia, kalau tak tak jumpa you, yang!*So, you see, things could not have turned out any better! There is always a silver lining in every storm, if you know where to look for it.

You see, there are many events in my life that I can truly bitch about.
YES, even now..
and NO, my life is NOT a bed of roses, unlike what some people might think.
Just because I don't whine, it does NOT mean that I do not have problems. I believe that everyone gets their fair share of shit. Me, included. I do, however, try to search for the lessons to be learnt, the positive side of things, the goodness in people.. Some may call it being optimistic, some may call me a fool. Call me what you want, it's just my way, my choice to stay happy.

Be rid you negative people. Stay as far away from me! Shoo!

-dillz blogging out-


Cik Ros said...

aku suka ayat last nko tu kak.

received another PO smlm. thanks for the tiupan semangat nko last week.

hidup positive!!!!

kalau tak kerena PPP ntah2 ko masih dgn G**y :)

D.N.A.S said...

Betul... betul. Just because we don't like to whine, it doesn't mean everything is smooth sailing in our lives. I believe we prefer to spend more time finding solutions rather than sitting down in one corner, sulking and blaming others when things happened not according to our plans.

dillazag said...

cik ros --> haaa.. reti pun nak comment.. :)
on the PO thing -good for you, girl. just remember to muhasabah selalu. kalau tak mesti melayang punya.. kalau tak cukup motivasi, sla buat appointment jumpa guwe!
and "No comment" on the other point! Allergic, doh... ha ha ha

DNAS --> Saya la makcik positive di neighbourhood ku ini.. heh heh heh
Gotto surround myself with only POSITIVE people la, K Dyg.. Maleh nak layan ion2 negatif ni...

~ayoi~ said...

Dillz: Kalau orang2 lama kata, "Rezeki dah ditentukan Ilahi". Dtg buat ADP kat PPP kan kau dpt kenal 2 Ajeruls, and married to one of them. And the Ajeruls got to met the Ajelul, and many more Ajeluls later. (mcm tounge twister lak)

Conclusion: Kalau dah rezeki kita dah ditentukan utk kita dpt sesuatu, maka dapatlah apa yg kita hajati.

P/s: Aku jumpa Ahmad Zaki Nasruddin (TM USA and budak PPP)masa pegi DC baru2 ni.

floweRinthedesert said...

I just need to read your blog whenever I need the positive energy boost! ;)

ayumin said...

hi kak dila.
i've been a silent reader for quite a while now, and i can't help but to comment on this one! i'm your superDuper stf junior, but not that young lah since i'm halfway through uni already. u came to one of the "back-to-school" thingy in 2002 (i think), and u told us the exact same story as posted in this entry! i can still remember how enthusiastic and fun u were (which i think u still are now :)), and how excited u were about the engagement (u flashed your engagement ring quite a few times hehe). i can truly say that we were all (or at least I was) INSPIRED by you. it gave me some glimmer of hope that even if i mess up along the way, i can still bounce back from ANYTHING, which i kinda did. so thank you kak dila, for sharing the story back then in 2002, and for this entry since i'm in desperate need of a morale boost now. =)

hope to cross paths with you in the future (in SK meetings perhaps? hehe).


ms ngantuk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ms ngantuk said...

kak dilla, i remember u as one of those ppl yg sentiasa zesty, full of life..walau dulu kena start blk dgn kami, budak2 muda as yer classmates! then again, u met ayam there, so life's twists n turns are pretty quirky yet rewarding kan?

shell said...

Heh.. reading your post I think I should stop being bitter of JPA.

Come to think of it, if I did go, I wont work in slb - jumpa my current hubby - study in germany - married with a kid now.

Yeah, everything happens for a reason. hmm.. nope, still bitter :P

che' nah said...

mmm... *cue: dahi kerut2 trying to figure this out*

mana lagi teruk ya? dpt offer cambridge, then decide to be a rebel (tkc burnt me out well and proper... heh), tak belajar bebetul and get one A short... or get the offer, made the grades, and THEN tak belajar bebetul.

three words: "sama lah kita". hahaha....

and we got our first in the end, and insyaAllah, phd too (you ARE going to do it, right?)

so here's to positivity: go dilla gooooo... *kibas flag, wave pom-pom, kick fat thighs high into the air*. hahaha...

take care la you.

dillazag said...

ayoi --> conclusion: ajeruls and ajeluls ROCK!!! heh heh heh *yup, on the zaki thing. i saw him tunngu lift kat tm*

Rin --> thanks for stalking!!! heh heh heh I read yours too, you know... ;)

dillazag said...

ayumin --> terasa macam siaran ulangan lak. heh heh heh Thanks dear.. :) when we do meet, please make yourself known, ok? ;) keep reading, and start commenting, eh?

ms mengantuk --> shhhh.. that's my secret to youthfulness.. kuang kuang kuang *perasan* surround yourself with positive young people.. heh heh heh

dillazag said...

shell --> bitter, tak pe.. camna nak buek tu.. anywho, you turned out damn a'ight, didn't you.. heh heh heh

che nah --> ko memang klakar la.. heh heh heh
Here's to positivity and actually... i am kinda unsure on the phd thingy.. kui kui kui.. *aku yang meng-chicken*

Pi said...

My dear ..

my 1st visit here. VERY Inspiring indeed. Hats off to u. Love d way u write. I dont compliment often n when i do, i really mean it. Keep on writing,k. (opss, jgn kembang lak ... )

It's very therapeutic really, to write, rave and rant here, kan. U're voicing out wat d rest are feeling. They feel wat u feel, just dat u expressed it so much better, that when they read it - they felt so lega coz u nailed it.

U'd be doing all the English teachers kat STF proud. Guess u must've scored A1 for 1119, kan. without a doubt.

- Kak P , STF t'bred 86-90 -

dillazag said...

Hey kak Pi!!!! Nice seeing you here.. :)

Unfortunately, I didn't get an A1 for 1119. Our batch was represented by Norzie only. The
A2s are Izumi and Ardena. I got a measly C3. hah hah hah.. (Yes, I still remember the results after all these time.. )

BTW, I know your sister kat Celcom tu!!! :) She looks just like you.. hah hah hah